Christmas Eve, 1997. I was sitting in a crammed pew attending midnight mass with my parents, along with two hundred others making their once-a-year obligatory attendance to church. It was a hot, summer night and the air was thick with incense, perfumes and the occasional waft of alcohol from whispered breaths. The doors were open to let in the fresh air, but it was a still night and the doorways were clogged with parishioners. The heat was suffocating. My palms were sweaty and the knot in my throat was getting tighter. The priest’s sermon had become white noise as my mind was battling with my desire to leave and my obligation to stay. I don’t belong here, I thought to myself.
As a child, my faith in God was blind. My schooling was in the Catholic education system, and I was taught what to believe. From an early age my concept of God was of a man who sat in judgement, condemning ‘sinners’ and people of a different faith. This didn’t feel like truth to me, and by the time I was 17, sitting in that stifling church on Christmas Eve, I had begun to resent the name, God.
For the next two decades the term God, would make me cringe. I considered myself spiritual (and still do!), with a deep faith in my angels, guides, higher self and the universe – having had intimate experiences with them all – but not ‘God’. I had an inner knowing, but something was holding me back from trusting in it fully.
It was only 18 months ago that I began to form a new concept of God and truly awaken my spiritual self. I was ready. And because of my readiness I started seeing what I had been subconsciously craving… the truth – that I believe – of God and the universe.
God, source energy, higher self, the universe – they are one and the same. But there is no definition of God that is the definition. There is no label that fits. God is too infinite to be boxed in. But what I do know, is that God is pure love. God is the divine intelligence that creates worlds. God is consciousness. God is compassion, beauty and light. And God is within us. The power that creates worlds is within us. Divine love, intelligence and consciousness are within us – for if before there was anything there was only God… then what must everything be made of?
This is where words tend to fail me because this knowing and understanding ignites a joy and wonder in me like no other! It has stirred my desire to follow my dreams and given me the faith that I can do it.
When I released my concept of the religious God I grew up with, I gave myself permission to open up to what God truly is and to the infinite possibilities of life! I began to appreciate that I am the creator of my own reality – feeling the empowerment that that understanding brings with it. And I finally allowed myself to fully trust in my inner knowing, forming a much deeper connection with my higher self.
When you start to comprehend the magnitude of divine love, intelligence and joy that God is, and understand that life truly is happening for you, not to you, then you see new beauty in everything around you. You feel your connection to everyone – for we are one. And it instils faith in the infinite possibilities of life, knowing that wherever you go, you have the entire universe on your side.
God does not sit in judgement. God, is pure love.
Much love and gratitude,
Lauren xxx